What builds a relationship?

"We all want to believe that love is this magical thing that fixes our problems and makes things perfect.  We look for the love that we see in the movies and fall for Hollywood's lies.  But the truth is, love will never be like that.  Love is something you have to work at and fight for.  It's not always pretty and it's definitely not magic, because even love cannot keep two people together if they don't try."  - Unknown

In the past few months I have had similar conversations with a couple of my dearest friends about what it takes to be in a relationship.  So, what does it take?  So often we talk about what we need from the other person; honesty, trustworthiness, respect and love.  We usually want someone to listen or to help us with our problems and of course they should to know which one to do depending on the situation.

But is that really it or realistic?  I think having a relationship requires more.  More from me.  More from you.  If I am really committed to building up and maintaining my foundation of self I am going to have to work hard at the relationships in my life. (Check out an earlier blog where I explain what I mean by foundation of self - http://foundationofself.blogspot.ca/2012/02/what-creates-foundation.html )

Relationships demand more, they don’t simply just happen.  Relationships require a lot of work, from all parties involved.  I am no expert, but I am beginning to learn that an honest to goodness relationship, with ourselves; with our husband, wife, friend, boss, co-worker, and our children calls on a commitment to deal with our crap.  All that stuff we have been carrying around since forever.  You know what stuff I mean.  That bag you often keep hidden.  For some of us it’s big and some of us it’s small, even so it’s heavy.

All of our relationships – the ones that really matter should be a place where we feel safe and comfortable so that we might unpack some of that stuff and let that other person see it.  We should be able to share how carrying all that crap makes us feel each and every day.  We need to share how hard it was to see or hear or believe, so then we can put it to rest in the storage of our hearts, minds and our memories.

Imagine your life; if this was the way you lived; surrounding yourself with relationships that allowed you to be honest, how much lighter would your load be?

Even though we think we have sorted through all of our crap and figured how to neatly pack it away, rather than lug it around all day, it’s never really gone.  In life, things happen that often require us to unpack, reorganize, sort and sometimes purge the stuff we had already thought we dealt with.

So, in those moments that shake you to your core, moments of change and uncertainty; allow yourself the time to process your thoughts and feelings.  You are not weak.  Permit yourself to be strong.  Be brave, share the messiness with someone you love, who cares about you.  Build up your foundation!