Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or
forgotten. – Lilo & Stitch
In March of
this year I was married – to a very special man; a man whom I have been deeply
in love with for well over a decade. Our
marriage for me became a permanent structure in my foundation of family. Our commitment to one another and our relationship
laid the groundwork for other aspects of our lives and for our future.
I looked
forward to many parts of our marriage. I
had yearned for the day when I could say “my husband” for the sole purpose of
saying those words. But more than that,
I couldn’t wait to change my last name.
This common action after marriage was something I had thought about at
great length. As much as I am proud of
the strong, independent and caring person I had become under my birth name I
was ready to let it go. I had no
interest in carrying on a family name that had not met my definition of
family. So, I set to apply to change my
name as soon as it was possible after our wedding.
Then I
researched my options. Many, who marry choose to assume the last name of their
spouse or to hyphenate their own last name with that of their spouse. But there was another option. I could legally change my name. This is what I thought I wanted to do. But I learned that it meant I would alter the
name on my birth certificate. I would
alter the record of my birth. This is
where things didn’t seem to fit any longer.
As much as I didn’t feel the
desire to carry on this family name I didn’t want to erase it either. I was born a twin and that was enough for me
to keep even a small tie to my birth name.
John and I are
family. Michelle and I are family. We are a family together; sitting side-by-side
in my own foundation of family. So while
my new last name will reflect the special bond John and I share, my unaltered
birth certificate will continue to reflect the special bond between myself and
my beautiful twin sister, who all alone for many years defined the meaning of
family.
