Sunday, 10 June 2012

Attachment - the deepest roots in the foundation of self...


"Children need at least one person in their life who thinks the sun rises and sets on them, someone who delights in their existence and loves them unconditionally."  - Pam Leo

Recently, I listened to a child psychologist speak about attachment, specifically in children.  He expressed that those little ones who didn’t get the opportunity to build strong connections to an adult caregiver, were more often than not doomed.  In other words, their likelihood to survive was limited and their life was sure to be marked with maladaptive behaviour, pain and more often than not mental illness.  As I looked around the room at the pediatric residents, I realized that I was an outlier.  For one, I was the only social worker in the room but more remarkably, I was one of those children the psychologist had described as doomed. 
Attachment is core to our human existence.  It’s the power that unites each one of us with at least one other person from the moment we are born.  A secure attachment requires a caregiver who meets the needs of an infant as it evolves into a toddler, into a child, into an adolescent and throughout the life of an adult.  I believe that attachment is deeply rooted in the foundation of self.  If a child learns early on that his cries in expression of a need are not met by the comfort and caring of an adult caregiver, he soon learns that the world is a scary place where he is alone.  However, if a child’s cries are met with the love and support of a caregiver, he learns that the world is safe and he gradually seeks to meet his own needs in time.

As a baby my sister and I would cry out and more often than not, our needs were not met by the adult in the room.  But, a powerful secure attachment between two tiny babies was created.  I believe it is that secure attachment that lead to not only our survival but our ability to excel as our lives evolved from a scared, innocent child into an aware, experienced adult. 
Attachment isn’t just about meeting the needs of a screaming child.  It’s really about the foundation of self that is created in those moments of need, leaving the child with the belief that he matters and that he is loved.  Even as an adult, we continue to have the deep desire to know we are loved and that we matter.  In the search for continued reassurance of that, we seek out an attachment that keeps us deeply rooted in our foundation of self.

1 comment:

  1. this was really beautiful. I'm sorry for what you have been through. I'm so glad you have your sister.

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