“There’s always going to be bad stuff
out there. But, here’s the amazing thing
– light trumps darkness every time.” – Jodi Picoult
Recently a
series of events left me questioning my role and had me wavering in doubt of my
ability to cope. I was not sure if I
could maintain the strength of the person I had become with the values and
morals I had built into my foundation of self.
How could I still be that person and know that things that I believed to
be unfair, wrong and unjust were happening around me. How could I just stand by and not be
overcome? I thought that in order to
cope I would have to separate and alter my ego in order to remove myself of the
responsibility.
There are
incidents that have occurred in my past which caused me to pick up and carry
on. In order to carry on, at times I had
to put on a brave face. In that pick-up
and carry-on way of doing things, I was left with a bitter taste in my
mouth. It felt like I was altering my
sense of self, even just a little in order to manage. In the past few years, I have worked very
hard to revolutionize my authenticity.
We all want to be who we are, in every moment no matter the
circumstance. If that is true, why do we
find ourselves forcing a smile onto our face and pressuring on. What’s the shame in saying; no it’s too much,
I can’t pretend this doesn’t affect me? It
is not wrong to stand up and say no, but it is hard. It is also not wrong to pick-up and
carry-on. And it doesn’t mean you are
any less or an alternative version of yourself.
I believe
that to be authentic it is to be true to my feelings as well as my expectations. In the past months I have realised how to
strengthen the integrity of my foundation and to remain whole in my existence
amongst the good and the bad. I have realized
that I am not responsible for the doings of others. Just because I have seen actions and
behaviours that I would not do myself does not mean that I sanction those
behaviours. Even in the moments or
circumstance of wrongdoing the only power I have is to continue to be righteous
in my foundation of self. I cannot
control the actions, thoughts and beliefs of another.
So, my new
way of being is about being who I desire to be in each and every moment and
never requiring myself to alter my foundation of self as a means of
coping. Authenticity is knowing where
you end and another begins. It’s the
awareness of self in relation to the needs, wants, desires and expectations of
others. It’s about believing in your
judgement and understanding that which occurs outside of self needn’t become
who you are.
